August 24, 2015

The Snare of Discontentment!

I go back to work tomorrow.

I can't believe it's been 12 weeks since Peyton was born, 15 weeks since I started maternity leave. Although I'm really blessed to have a flexible job, it still breaks my heart a little to leave her. We've only been apart at most for 2 hours since her life began.

It's hard to picture life without her nowadays as we've settled into a good routine. Sleep training (via BabyWise) did wonders for us and for her. She's sleeping 8-10 hours most nights, and has started to smile and even giggle at us. It's been such a joy to be her parents! I definitely couldn't have said that just a few weeks ago. 

Although it's gotten so much easier to care for her, our struggle with idolatry is still very real, even though it has taken on a less obvious form and creeps in when we have let our guard down. Lately, in the form of ungratefulness. 

Jesse and I have had our share of struggling to be selfless, with Peyton and with one another. I have a sinful habit of playing out escape scenarios in my mind and playing the dangerous "If only..." game:

"If only it was just the two of us again... how much happier would we be?" 
"If only we made more money, then I could hire some help / get a bigger apartment / eat out more, etc."
"If only I didn't have a ton of school debt, then I wouldn't have to go back to work." 
"If only my parents lived a little bit closer, then I could unload her on them." 
"If only I were a better mother." 
"If only Peyton was an easier baby." 
And most dangerously, "If only I could live a different life..."

In the moment, I think I'm winning when I try to escape my circumstances, but it leads to great discontentment and dissatisfaction, which then leads to bitterness. And anger. And despair. 

Just entertaining a small thought can lead you down a road where discontentment consumes you. Paul writes, "But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction." (1 Timothy 6:6-9 ESV)

Though many verses in Scripture refer to contentment in the context of money, it's not a far cry from our discontentment with any circumstance, not just our finances. Falling into such a snare promises only ruin and destruction.

Giving in to sin is so easy, but doing the right thing is often difficult. Of course I'd rather wallow and feel sorry for myself and make people feel sorry for me! But does that help me? Is it glorifying to God? Am I being a blessing to others?

No! Not at all!

So let's be thankful. Thankful first for our salvation -- that Jesus has done the impossible to save our souls from death and eternal punishment by making the greatest sacrifice of all. Then be thankful for our circumstances, crazy and filled with trial and suffering as they may be, because it will yield great fruit when we persevere.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4 ESV)

For believers, our lives are exactly how God has ordained it to be for His glory and for our joy. How can we grumble against our Creator? He is good, holy, wonderful, loving, and wise.

I will continue to fail miserably, but by His grace, I will grow to be more like Him everyday.

Now, to practice what I've written here tomorrow while suffering at work...